


Star Wars Episode X: The Repair of the Star Wars

by aduck8myshoes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Episode X, Gen, One Shot, Pure Crack, Screenplay/Script Format, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aduck8myshoes/pseuds/aduck8myshoes
Summary: The opening scene of my very serious screenplay submission for Episode X.TRoS spoilers I guess?Born from me trying to think of the stupidest ways to retcon a certain thing from Episode IX.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Star Wars Episode X: The Repair of the Star Wars

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how to actually format a screenplay, and I haven't written fic in like 10 years.
> 
> Enjoy!

Episode X: The Repair of the Star Wars

The crawl ends, having briefly summarized the creation of the galaxy’s new, new, newsystem of government so that it can be ignored for the rest of the trilogy and put into some tie-in novel that four people will read, the information that Rey has given up the Jedi life to be a space lumberjack, and that the galaxy is yet again in grave danger from a mysterious, never before seen, threat: a cloaked giant with four arms, a fun lightsaber collecting hobby, and a strange hate for suave greetings.

The scene opens with the camera following in as a ship enters the atmosphere and lands at a small but bustling space base. The ramp lowers and from behind, we see a well-dressed man in his early thirties walk out. His garb says ‘dignitary’, but his posture screams ‘soldier’.

It’s obviously Finn, because the guy is black and this is Star Wars movie, but the camera continues to follow behind for effect as he wanders through the lively scene as he scans the crowded air field looking for something. 

This goes on for _several_ minutes uninterrupted in a single take shot that shows off all of the very meticulous work of the production crew who have put a lot of time and love into each and every one of these costumes, sets, and props, and so that cosplayers and droid builders can somehow have them fabricated to exact specifications within a week of the movie coming out.

As he walks, whispers begin to spread through the crowd as people begin to notice who has landed. 

HUMAN WOMAN IN A PILOT'S UNIFORM

Is that–?

ONE OF THE WHATEVER BOUSHH IS I’M TOO LAZY TO LOOK IT UP

(in whatever that language is called)

What’s an Ambassador Senator General doing here?

VERY NON-HUMANOID ALIEN

Wow, Admiral Dameron’s husband is really hot!

The camera, now acting as this stranger’s eyes, finally finds what it is seeking and focuses in on a pair of long legs, clothed in a standard green work jumpsuit, sticking out from inside the base of a large piece of equipment attached to the main building.

He smiles as the camera finally switches to a front view and the audience gets it first look at the mystery dignitary/soldier’s face.

**It’s Finn!**

Finn walks up to the partially obscured person, stopping a few paces away.

FINN

(Smirking)

I had a feeling I’d find you here.

The pair of legs stills, and a reply comes from inside the piece of equipment, distorted by the hulk of durasteel in the way.

LEGS

Whatever it is, I’m not interested.

FINN

I’m not here about anything that happened in the past. I’m here because of what lies ahead. The Brand Spanking New Special Republic Senate: For Realz This Time has gotten word of a threat growing on the edges of the Unknown Regions. The problem is, the fleet can’t seem to actually detect them on any of our scanning missions to the area.

A sigh and the sound of tools being set down roughly echo out of the equipment housing.

FINN

I know you never wanted to get back into the fight, but we need a man of your skills for this. We have enough muscle, what we need…

(He pauses dramatically) 

is a _technician_.

(Another dramatic pause)

Plus, you owe me like a bazillion favors for not killing you.

The camera, starting from ground level pans up on the man now pulling himself out of the metal thing. His legs, we’ve already met, but they are _super_ long so the pan takes a while.

As the camera reaches the half-open jumpsuit and unbuckled orange harness… vest… thing on his torso it is clear this guy is totally ripped, he definitely has an 8-pack under that tank top. 

Finally, the camera reaches his face but stops before his eyes. He has a distinctive mouth and nose, very sexy “I’m thinking about growing a mustache” stubble, and the tips of his bright, tousled, blond hair contrasts with his dark voice as he replies:

SUPER BUFF GUY FORMERLY KNOW AS “LEGS”

Alright.

The camera switches to him wiping grease off his absolutely gigantic hands like holy shit how are his hands so big. and then _finally_ cuts to his eyes, a glint sparking off of the lenses of his wire-framed glasses.

DEFINITELY NOT KYLO REN/BEN SOLO

But there _better_ not be any lazily-inserted old guy clones involved.

The music blares triumphantly, signifying the official return of the best character to come out of the sequel trilogy: **Matt the Radar Technician is back, baby!**


End file.
